Dr Julie | Psychologist

👉 Did you notice the change at the end? 👀 It’s easy to miss it at first, because it is so gradual. But that is how change in emotion state tends to happen too. It’s not the flip of a coin. It’s a gradual shifting that takes time. The trouble with that is we become impatient when the feeling is uncomfortable or painful. We want it gone now. So, the temptation is to do whatever numbs it fast. Every time we do that, we lose touch with the natural course that human emotion will take, when we allow it to be present. It increases in It’s intensity, then slowly comes back down. 👉 ‘When it’s difficult to be with your feelings’ is the title of a whole section of my new No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller, Open When. It breaks down into all the emotions we tend to struggle with, and I talk you through how to get through and out the otherside in the best way possible. The link in my bio has links to UK, USA and some international retailers. When I wrote this book I wanted it to be a gift to yourself through hard times, but also to the people you love, when you can’t be there to see them through their own tough moments ❤️

👉 The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves. But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship. If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex. Take time to get clarity on the situation. Chapter 2 in my no.1 best selling book, ‘Open When..’ is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. tap on the link in my bio to order your copy of Open When.. so you’re armed and ready for these confusing situations when being human gets complicated. 👉 ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

👉Can you answer no.4? If these signs of loneliness resonate for you, this is something to take seriously. Not just because the feeling itself is painful, but because it is both a warning sign for the strain that a lack of human connection will put on your overall mental health, but also crucial information about what you need in order to make things better. For some people addressing loneliness is about finding and creating opportunities for connection. For others, it is about tackling the fears around social interaction and the skills needed to thrive in those environments. There is not enough room to do all of these subjects justice in a caption, but if you want in-depth guidance from me, I cover them all in my new, no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller, Open When. 👉 To anyone who is struggling with this my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

🫣 Who else does this? 👉 To all the people pleasers out there. There is a chapter in my new book ‘Open When…’ it’s called ‘You Keep Saying Yes But Want To Say No’ limited discount links in bio. That need we feel to justify ourselves and offer up detailed explanations can be seen as a safety behaviour. An action that helps to bring down the fear associated with holding a boundary. It works temporarily but, in the long term, leads to an increased need to do the same. We find ourselves trapped and unable to hold a boundary if we feel we can’t avoid the disapproval of others. Maybe asserting yourself in the past led to rejection, abandonment or a complete override of your own needs. Maybe love was conditional. Or maybe it was considered your responsibility to ensure that others remained happy. However the cycle began, it can be broken. It takes time and practise. And it always starts with awareness. So start looking out for those times when you hold a boundary and immediately follow it up with over-explaining and justifying yourself to others. ⭐️ To all the people pleasers out there my new book ‘Open When...’ has the perfect chapter for you. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48% discount. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Both links in my bio. If you brought a copy of either thank you for the support 🙏

👀 Watch out for No.4! Have you noticed that knowing what’s best for you doesn’t seem to be enough to make you do it? That’s because our actions are often driven by how we feel and don’t want to feel right now. (More below). 👉 For help with this see my new book ‘Open When…’ and my million copy bestseller ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ If you comment the word ‘book’ I will DM you with discounted links. But the problem with being led by how we want to feel now puts up new barriers between you and your goals for the future. All those barriers seem to reconfirm your limiting beliefs that you can’t make it happen. So the urge is not to bother. You start to convince yourself that you didn’t want it anyway. The cycle of seeking the most comfortable now, sabotages your future.

👉 Feeling Overwhelmed? When do you decide to start looking after yourself? When it feels like you are bursting at the seams with stress? Or a little way before that? Experiencing stress is not anything that is wrong with you. It is information. A sign that you need to replenish before you move on to the next challenge. But replenishment doesn’t mean you have to take two weeks in an overpriced retreat. Smaller changes that are consistent in your daily life will have a much longer-lasting impact. 👉 If you find yourself overwhelmed there is a chapter devoted to this in my new book, Open When. (link in bio) The chapter is called ‘Open When… you feel overwhelmed’ It includes a personal letter from me, talking you through the moment to help find calm and clarity, as well as some real time tools that you can use whenever these moments arise. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

🔥 The last one most people notice first. That’s because we often move straight from a painful emotion into doing something to numb it and get some relief from it. You don’t think consciously about feeling overwhelmed with stress - you just notice that you are putting off all the jobs that used to come easy, and avoiding even the things you once enjoyed. None of this is a fault or weakness. Stress is information. When you are willing to look at that information with curiosity, it can tell you what you need. 👉 If you find yourself overwhelmed with stress at times, there is a chapter devoted to this in my new book, Open When. (link in bio) The chapter is called ‘Open When… you feel overwhelmed’ It includes a personal letter from me, talking you through the moment to help find calm and clarity, as well as some real time tools that you can use whenever these moments arise. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

👉 Ever had a friendship like this? We know that, when it comes to friendship, quality over quantity works best. But, how do you know which friendships are better? Perhaps one way to measure the quality of friendship is the degree to which you have to modify yourself to meet the expectations of the other person. There are plenty of interactions in which we willingly adjust how we present ourselves to play a certain role. Maybe that’s at work or in a position of responsibility and authority. But when it comes to friendship, acceptance and having each other’s best interests at heart is a foundation that cannot be substituted with counterfeit alternatives. Many people say that you learn who your friends are when times get tough. But in many ways this is even more true when you experience good times or personal success. The details of how this works are fascinating. 👉 For more on this chapter 2 in my new book, Open When.. is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. And has so much more on this. Available in over 35 different languages and on audible/auidobook (read by me). Discount links in my bio.

👉A big mistake people make is they think that being a good person means giving in to other person’s demands, always being the one to say, “I don’t mind” and flexing this way and that to accommodate them. But what starts as an intention to be kind, can easily slip into a habit of appeasement. Doing that may help to keep the peace in the moment, but leads to deep resentment and bitterness in the long term. (More below..) 👉 I talk about this in much more details in my new No.1 bestselling book ‘Open When...’ link in bio So how is appeasement different from simply being kind? And how can you spot it? 1. While kindness is motivated by genuine care, appeasement can be driven by fear, the need for approval or the avoidance of conflict. 2. Anyone can choose to express kindness to another person without compromising on their own needs or wellbeing. In fact, showing kindness has benefits for both them and you. But appeasement often feels less like a choice, and more of an escape from confrontation or conflict. And it nearly always requires some form of self-betrayal. 3. A habit of kindness contributes positively to your wellbeing and your relationship. Appeasement sets a precedent for what they will come to expect of you that builds resentment and bitterness and often the destruction of the relationship itself. Many of us have been taught to believe that being a good partner, friend or family member is someone who drifts in any direction others want us to go. That is not true. Being a decent person and being an assertive person are not opposite ends of a spectrum. In fact, one demands the other. The good news is that assertiveness is not something you are born with. Those skills are learnable at any age. 👉 To anyone who is struggling with this my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

👉 The second one on the list is the most crucial for building your social confidence. Here’s why: If feeling the discomfort of awkward moments is something you are not willing to accept and tolerate, then all of the choices you make will be dictated by the need to avoid those feelings. As a result, all the actions that would build social confidence (like spending as much time with people as possible) become out of bounds to you. And the more you avoid those uncomfortable but rewarding experiences, the more your social world shrinks and social anxiety grows. To begin to tackle that fear of socially awkward moments, you first need a clear way through those feelings. I talk you through how to do this in my new book, Open When. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out worldwide it is a Sunday times and New York Times bestseller (discount links in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 40 languages.

This blew my mind 🤯 The most amazing cake for the launch of my new No.1 Sunday Times bestselling book ‘Open When…’ from @Dawn Butler - Dinkydoodle cakes.

👉 A video I never imagined I would make. I owe much thanks to many people who have been instrumental in this, but this little message is a thank you to everyone who has bought a copy of 'Open When..' and made a dream come true. For anyone who hasn't read it yet but wants to see what all the hype is about, the link in my bio will take you to retailers near you.